I never thought that I’ll reach 30 years old without getting married. When I planned my long-term goals, I included getting married at the age of 27. For me that would be the ideal and more realistic timing, because I guess with 7 years, I can accomplish most of my goals. Those are to have a successful career, stable finances, travel, drive my own car and get the latest gadgets, bags, clothes and shoes. But after accomplishing all these things at 27, I found myself single at the age of 30. Sad to say, I didn’t achieve that goal!
After 2 years from a break-up, there was a point in my life that I’m really desperate to have a boyfriend and get married. Everyday, I end up being depressed and miserable. I even take for granted all other blessings I received from God, I even avoid weddings, and hate the part that all single ladies will be called to catch the bouquet, I even intentionally avoid conversations with relatives who keep on asking me of my “status” and reminding me that the clock is ticking and I should get married (as if I don’t want, haller!?). It’s all because my heart and mind only long for one thing, that is to meet my partner in life and get married. Yes, I’m hurrying up for the next season of my life!
But one day few months before I approach 30, God made me realized that I’m wasting my single season by looking and longing for something that does not belong to me during that time. God speaks to me through His Word and a prayer that I should enjoy what He has for me during this season of my life, I have my family, friends, career, opportunities to travel, money to spend, time for myself, grad school and most of all I have Him. I realized that because I’m single I have limitless opportunities that a married person cannot have. One worship night change my perspective about my relationship status… While I was singing in tears, God revealed to me a picture of me “a beautiful, satisfied bride” walking towards a man that God prepares for me. Amazed! That was the song, the promise that God will never stop to amaze me. On my wedding day, I know that God will amaze me again. For now, I will embrace this season where God place me!
From that moment, I started to live my life as it was my last. I started to enjoy the present (while joyfully praying, hoping and waiting for the future). This leads to gratefulness with small and big things. I’m not saying that every day and every moment is perfect. Of course, there are still times that I feel alone, insecure and still wish that I’m married and already have a family. There are also moments that I envy my friends who just got engage, get married or give birth. How I really wish I’m in that season too! But again, God will remind me that He knows better than me, His ways are above my ways and His thoughts greater than my thoughts.. He is in control. I’ve been single for 4 years now, and those 4 years is my most fruitful years. I believe that God don’t want me to settle for less than I deserve. As cliché as it sounds, I still believe that “God wants and knows who’s best for me and He knows the perfect time”. For now, as I wait, I have to completely enjoy the status “single” and prepare for a lifelong commitment of marriage.” I will seek Jesus, I will seek His Kingdom first and all these things, including spouse, children, and dream house will be added unto me.