Excerpts from Sarah Jakes blog: I Turned My Back On You
I was concentrating so hard on trying to have an “ideal” life that I was obsessed with pulling everything around me together, trying to make things whole.
I was too tired to keep fighting though so I just let the pain sweep over me…
I learned that faith wasn’t about holding everything together or living the life you “should”, it was about recognizing you’re in too deep and trusting the Lifeguard is coming to get you. I gave in prepared to let life win but God who knows and sees all was already in the water, prepared to come get me.
The more I fought, the harder I made His job…When you know you’re in over your head you have to trust that God is with you always, even when you don’t see him…Even when you think you’ve gone too far…. You are simply an arm’s length away from His grace.
I believe today, God speaks to me through this blog from Sarah Jakes. I’m browsing the web for blogs that I can read, and my search leads me to her SarahJakes Blog. Since mid of last year, I cannot understand why God is allowing uncontrollable situations in my life. There’s anxiety, depression, job lost, sickness, self-pity, broken relationships and vanished friendship. And then, I cried, found myself lost, broken… In tough times like this, I prayed and told God, “Lord, I cannot do this anymore… I don’t want this, but nothing I can do to prevent this. I surrender everything to you. I surrender my heart, my career, my body, my mind, my family and friends. I’m sorry Lord that my desire to put all things together perfectly leads me to trusting myself, believing that I can control and make my imagination of the “ideal” happens and offer this to honor you, so that you will be pleased with my life. I’m sorry Lord for I am impatient; I can’t wait for You, I do things my way not Yours, as if I know better than You. And I am shattered. Lord, I’m so tired of doing and fighting, because no matter how I tried to create a balance life, to excel at my work, to live healthy, to be a good daughter sister and friend, no matter how I tried, it just don’t work, I’m still defeated. I’m crushed, I’m exhausted… So I GIVE IN, and invite You to COME, do it for me and fight for me. I admit it, I’m not strong enough, not independent enough, I am limited… I repent, I surrender every areas of my life to You, be the Lord of my life. FIGHT for me God, for Your Word says, “Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God’s.” (2 Chronicles 20:15).