A Personal Battle, A Proud Heart and A Prayer

Have you ever felt depressed at one point of your life? July to August last year (2013), when I felt so depressed, as much as I want to be optimistic and look at beautiful things instead, it doesn’t just work. I know, I’ve always been positive, I am a dreamer, I’m go-getter, I have faith in God, I believe that God has a great plan for my life, He has a purpose for everything, He is in control. I don’t usually allow problems and struggles to affect me for a long time; I just don’t like meditating on problems, so I always lift it up to God immediately in prayer and worship, then I’m okay, I meditate on God’s promises in the Bible, and I’m fine. God usually restores me and bring me back to life the same day or week. But this time it’s different, it lingers, it actually took months… The depression started with unmet expectations from God, from a prayer that was answered the way I don’t expect it to be. I cannot understand God, I expect a “yes”, but His answer is not a clear “wait” or “no” in short God answer is the opposite. I tried to wrestle with Him, I insisted on what I want, on what I thought is best for me, and felt like I deserved a “yes,” I’m so proud, as if God owes me something because all this time, I think I obeyed Him, waited for Him, so I He must say “yes”, I forgot about the grace of God, I’m so proud.

18002114On being depressed, I woke up with a sad heart, I felt empty. In spite of the emptiness, I continue my daily morning quiet time, pray, read His Word, hoping that this will make me feel better, but no, it doesn’t help, maybe I’m just spending quiet time with God for the sake of doing it, but my heart is really not into hearing God. I continue attending Sunday services, prayer meeting, victory group and worship night, I even fast and pray, hoping that I will encounter God in the presence of other believers. Yeah, I felt His presence when I’m church, but driving home, I feel so alone, hurt, fearful, worried and nervous, feeling so anxious of my future. I feel like God is so distant, I know He is not absent, but He is just so far away from me. During weekends, I feel so weak, I just want to stay in bed, hide under my pillows and sleep. I don’t feel like talking to anyone, even to my family and closest friends. I feel that I’m so tired being there for them, and they can’t help, but the truth is I don’t like to admit to them what I’m actually going through, so I avoid them as much as I could. I don’t know why where all this feeling is coming from, I’m aware of it and I don’t like it. Everyday pray and ask God to remove it, but it stays and it lingers.

As how women handles problems, I decided to get a new haircut and hair color, while pampering my mane, I read this e-book from kindle “7 Most Powerful Prayers That Would Change Your Life Forever” written by Houge Adam. And yes, right in the middle of Salon, God whisper to me… No, no, I think He shout, because He’s been whispering most of the time and I can’t hear what He says… And God shouted so clear…

Stop trying to take the lead, and let me lead you. Wait on me and wait for my Word. I will speak in my own due and proper time. If you obey Me I will justify you. I seek a servant who obeys, not one who walks off while I’m talking and does His own thing. I do love you, and want to justify you. Your works cannot attain Mine, unless you let Me work through you. Only then can you see My power moving and working daily in your life. Only then can you be blessed by Me. Stop trying to bless Me, you can’t bless Me! The greater blesses the lessor. Let me bless you. Only be submissive and let Me lead you daily. – GOD (7 Most Powerful Prayers That Would Change Your Life Forever”  Adam Houge)

And I cried in repentance, in humility I admit that I’m so proud, that I know better than God. That I feel like I know what’s best for me and He don’t. I submitted, I surrendered my life to my King. I admitted that I cannot do anything independent, the truth is, I cannot be an independent princess, without the power, blessing and guidance of the King. I admitted to God, that I am limited, and He is limitless God. So I’m giving Him my life, allowing Him to take the lead. During that moment, I felt like, my Father is smiling at me saying, finally my daughter, you get the point, now I can continue to work amazingly in your life, let me lead you to a more wonderful journey !

 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, – Isaiah 55:8-9

Power of Prayer

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Communication is a key to any relationship. It’s the only way to grow relationships. We make effort to communicate because we value our relationships. If we want to be intimate, we must communicate. Communication is two way, we can talk to God in prayer and He can speak to us through His Word. Prayer, we talk to God through prayer. God invites us to come to Him anytime, we can go and approach Him, and He will come through to us. Though God knows everything about us, He still wants us to come to Him. Philippians 4:6-7 says “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

We can present our request to God, God wants that. But it’s also important to hear from God. We hear from God through His Word, the Bible. God delights in us most when we ask Him for instructions, His plans, His will, and His directions in our lives. Jesus says in Luke 11:9-10 “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” If we continue to seek God, seek His voice, seek His good, pleasing and perfect will, He will reveal it to us. As we seek Him, our desires, dreams, plans and goals will be aligned to His, and the good news is we can trust Him and be secure because our Father knows best, Isaiah 55:8-9 says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” By learning Gods word and promises daily, we get to know God more, trust Him more, as we experience His Word is true and He is faithful to His promises. As we seek God, He will reveal more of himself to us. We get to know Him personally. The Lord says in Jeremiah 29:11-13 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” As we seek our Father’s heart, He will reveal His plans and will for us. God wants us to know His plans for us, He will give instructions and direction so we can get there. As we seek Him first, our dream and heart’s desires will run after us.

Our commitment in prayer and reading the Word is important to grow in our personal relationship with Jesus. Pray for grace that we will have the passion and excitement to hear Gods voice every day, to encounter Jesus. Pray that the Lord will stir our hearts to, know Him more, honor Him more and obey Him. As we make prayer and meditating God’s Word a lifestyle, we will have a more intimate relationship with God. And the natural overflow of our intimate relationship with God is our fruitfulness. There would be significant changes in our lives, our change lives will be a blessing to the people around us.

Daughter of the King

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What a privilege to be considered as sons and daughters of the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords. This truth about God as our father, and me as a daughter of the King, has been so true to me when I lost my earthly father. My manager which is also my mentor, encouraged me that since I don’t have father anymore, I can treat God as my Father, I can talk to God, run to Him, and have father-daughter relationship with God like what Tatay and I have when he was still alive. Because we are the King’s sons & daughters, we have an access in His throne anytime. Isn’t God gracious? The truth that “I’m a daughter of the King” gave me confidence in everything I do. The Lord, as our Father welcomes us in His presence, when we begin to pray and meditate on God’s Word we begin to enter into His presence. Since we’re sons and daughters of the King, we are prince and princesses. We can approach the throne of our King anytime, in prayer. Philippians 4:6-7 says “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Entering to the Promise

Joshua 1:5 No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you

Joshua 1:6 Be strong and courageous

Numbers 23:19 (ESV)

God is not man, that he should lie,
or a son of man, that he should change his mind.
Has he said, and will he not do it?
Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?

Isaiah 55:10-11(NIV)

10 As the rain and the snow    come down from heaven,
and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish,so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, 11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:    It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire    and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Deuteronomy 7:9-10

9 Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments. 10 But those who hate him he will repay to their face by destruction;
he will not be slow to repay to their face those who hate him.

REFLECT: God is a faithful God, he keep his promise, he fulfill it. and that’s wow! Isn’t it great to know that our God, our Father, is faithful to his promise? that whatever he says, whatever promise mentioned in the Bible is true and if we just believe, it will happen to us? This characteristic of God, just made realize how confident and secure my future would be. Today, i embrace all His promises!

RESPOND:

  • He has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ
  • He choose us to be holy and blameless in his sight
  • He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ
  • He redeemed us, he forgives our sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us
  • He gives us wisdom and understanding
  • His plan for us works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will

This year i believe that God wants me to believe in His promises:

Genesis 2:18
The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Proverbs 11:25
A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.

Deuteronomy 28:11
The LORD will grant you abundant prosperity—in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your ground—in the land he swore to your ancestors to give you.

#2011 Prayer & Fasting